When we told our friend and families of our plan to adopt, they were overjoyed. We are the last in our families to have kids. They will provide us with a wealth of experience to draw on as we start our family.

Both Shih Han and Chris come from large families. Shih Han is the youngest of five. Chris is the youngest of four. We remain close to our brothers and sisters. We were brought up with strong family values. We ate every night as a family. Our parents helped us with homework and projects.

Shih Han’s father was a police investigator. His work frequently took him away from home, but when he was around, he would drive Shih Han and his brother and sisters to all their after school activities and welcome them home with piles of food to eat. When we visit, he still insists on driving us everywhere and returns from every outing with tons of food.

Our parents took their marriage vows seriously. Shih Han’s parents were happily married 45 years. After his mother had a stroke, Shih Han’s father took care of his mother on his own for seven years, until her death. Chris’s father also took care of his mother as she slowed with age. Unfortunately, he died five years ago a month short of their 40th anniversary. They would have been thrilled and supportive of our decision to become parents.

Chris’ parents were married nearly 40 years.

Our parents taught us to care for others. Shih Han postponed going to college to look after his grandmother who was dying of cancer. We chose to settle in New York rather than elsewhere after Chris’ father died and his mother, who was nearly 80, needed someone nearby. We now share a house with Chris’ mother. At times it has been difficult, but it proved to be the right choice. His mother broke her hip and had other health problems. Being close has been reassuring to her and to us.

Shih Han is close to all his sisters, but he is especially close to his sister, Shih Mei. Shih Han was present when Shih Mei gave birth to her son, Austin, and he stayed for three weeks to help take care of the baby.

Chris is close to his sister, Marysia. Her son, Ian, just turned three years old. Last October Chris went to visit them in Poland where his sister was working on a research project. Marysia and Chris share an academic background. She is an anthropologist. Chris is an economist. They love to talk about academic things. But this trip was about Ian.

Shih Han is great with kids. Growing up he helped look after his younger cousins. Now he has 11 nieces and nephews whom he sees as much of as he can. They love when he visits. Whether it is the goofy facial expressions or the funny noises he makes, whenever Shih Han is around kids laugh.

Shih Han is originally from Malaysia. He visits his family twice a year. Chris visits every other year or so. This last trip we managed to see Shih Han’s entire family. While there, we celebrated the 5th birthday of Shih Han’s nephew, Yan Hin. We organized games for the kids.

Other days Yan Hin and his cousin Austin used Uncle Chris as a jungle gym.

Later in the trip we spent a weekend at the beach with Shih Han’s sister, Shih Yee, and her three children. We swam in the South China Sea, swam in the pool, played pool, played video games, went snorkeling and rode donkeys. Everyone had a great time.

Shih Han with his niece and nephew at a resort in Malaysia.

Throughout his life, Chris has put himself in the role of a parent or mentor. Most significant was becoming a Big Brother with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Program. Chris and his “Little Brother”, Aaron, were “matched” almost 14 years ago, when Aaron was 12 years old. They still talk regularly and visit each other about once a year. Aaron is now a father himself. He has a beautiful 6 year old daughter named Mayah.

Chris and Katherine have been close friends ever since they met their first week of college in 1981. Katherine is the person Chris calls whenever something big happens, good or bad. She is now married and has two children. That combined with being a marriage, family and child counselor, gives her advice an extra oomph.

We are both close to our friend Lynn. She is married and has two sons.

Shih Mei, Marysia, Katherine and Lynn will be our support network. Together they have a wealth of knowledge about child rearing. We are counting on them to be fabulous female role models. They are all intelligent, ambitious women who have been successful professionally and as mothers. They can’t wait to surround us and our baby with love, support, attention and advice when we are lucky enough to adopt.