Our idea of family is one in which the adults provide children with a loving, safe, stable environment in which to grow up. We will be together “till death do us part.” We have made a commitment to each other that does not need to be sanctioned by an institution in order to last.

Our family will not look like others. There will be two fathers and a mixture of races. Shih Han is Chinese, Chris is white and our child may be any race. All of these differences are surface. Our home will feel like a family. We cannot control how people outside our family will react. However, we believe that the best defense is to act as if prejudice does not exist.

We neither advertise that we are a gay couple, nor do we hide it. We assume that most people figure that out from the way we interact with each other and the fact that we are always together. If people look, they see a happy, loving couple. We have never encountered any negative reactions. We will teach our children, by example, to be confident and open about our family. If people ask questions that are polite and not too personal, we will answer them. By being matter-of-fact, people will get the message that it is no big deal.

We will raise our children the way we were raised—with simple, consistent rules and lots of love. Kids do much better when they know what is going to happen. Part of that is a regular schedule—a specific bed time, a specific nap time, regular meal times. A big thing for both of us is that we eat as a family every night. It may be difficult given our work schedules, but at the dinner table you are most a family. You find out what happened that day. You stop and listen to each other. As it is, we have dinner together almost every night.

We both plan to take time off once we are lucky enough to adopt. We would both like to stay at home with the baby. Chris plans to take an extended paternity leave and then figure out a way to work from home.